I feel as if transitioning back into life here is harder than it was over in France. My campus is not the same because people have came and gone. It is only the second day of classes and I feel like i am having a difficult time relating and talking to people on any subject. Is it even possible that i have become more socially awkard. Life in France seems like it is just a story now. I retained the language skills, but what do i really have to show for it. I think I might have become slightly depressed, I still have the power to get up without thinking but I feel like my whole mood is out of whack. I heard about how it is integrating back into your home, but wow it is weird.
I think i am mostly affected by how isolated I am now. The one person who I used to talk and tell everything to here does not want anything to do with me now. I have a sudden rush of memories when i walk around and i think that is the thing that is constantly saddening me.
I am going to start back with counseling in two days and I cannot wait for it! It is odd that something that so many people won’t even try is the thing I am most looking forward to besides graduation and leaving here.
Maybe the reason I really want to go back is because it was a place that always made things better between Natalia and I. Maybe i am not looking forward to it for the right reasons. I feel as if i was just looking forward to it because I would be able to get advice and direction on what to do with my life. I think i have none right now.