Awkward

I don’t think i can do the whole ‘being at the bar with the ex thing’. She wasn’t really with us but it still made me feel uncomfortable. Friday night when she was not out, It was great! Maybe that place was just better or maybe I had drunk more friday night.
Then we had the group come back to my place for after the bar. She asked if it was OK for her to come, which is better than her just showing up. I said “yeah” but I probably should-be said “no.” That would’ve made it easier on myself and that is what is really important right? She says that she is happy so she should be fine. I can’t and don’t need to worry about how she feels. I’m sure she doesn’t.
I want this to not matter to me anymore. In 3 months I will graduate and probably never see or think about her ever again. In 5 months I’ll leave the country for at least 2 years and I will definitely never see or think about her ever again. Why can’t that time just be here now.
For right now I pretend I am Courage and am receiving kind words from this fish.
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