relationships

I CRAVE Novelty

I lose interest in people fairly quickly. I don’t try to, it just happens… I meet them and I’m attracted and I genuinely like them as a person. I learn about them and what makes them interesting to me. But then, all of a sudden I feel like I’ve figured them out and they “fall for my tricks” I’ve never believed that I was intentionally manipulating people, but part of my self-discovery has been that I very much do.
It isn’t just people, it comes the same way with subjects and media. I get fascinated. I get obsessed. It’s like this is what I have been searching for my whole life, and I love talking and hearing about it. Then, one day I’m just done and move on to the next thing/subject/person.
I don’t watch replays and I don’t re-read. I already have the information, I already
know it. Why get the same information/experience twice and when there is so much out there in the world that I don’t know!
The fact that these are genuine feelings that I don’t intentionally try to feel or try to think is what gives me problem with relationships to other people. Obviously when people get attached to me they don’t like that I am attached until that day when I am not as interested anymore as I once was. I still love it/them, just not in the same capacity.
I don’t feel wrong for feeling how I do because these are my feelings. This is how I’m experiencing life. I tell people my feelings and how I am at the beginning so there┬áno surprises. I don’t think that it makes it any easier though. Still at the end of the day when I look at people who are hurt over me…

i'd hate me

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Love is Cursed by Monogamy

LOVE IS CURSED BY MONOGAMY

More and more I believe that relationships aren’t supposed to last forever and are definitely not supposed to be with just one person. Maybe for a certain period of time but it is ridiculous to come to the idea that one person can fulfill your every need, and if they can’t then you are just supposed to be satisfied with that. Is a realistic attitude the same as being pessimistic? Is it just an easy way out to say that you want to be with more than one person?

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Everyone is different and obviously this wouldn’t be able to applied to everyone. How does one really suppress their jealously when someone they really care about cares about someone else also? Is that not just a person trying to own another person? Calling them their property and that they keep something as ephemeral as sexual encounters strictly for only that one person?I don’t know but to me this sounds too fantastical like a movie or a song. Real life is a lot more messy and doesn’t work that way for everyone.

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Isn’t being with someone just about being 100% honest with them, bearing your soul, telling them everything you believe to be true. It is completely vulnerable and does not hold back. That is just how I see it at the moment. I haven’t truly been able to do this with anybody since my last break up. Does this mean that I wouldn’t ever want to be with just person? How does adding something like a child to the equation? I can’t answer any of that because I have no idea really. Maybe it is just that I am still hurt and not ready to with one person in that capacity. Who Knows? The more people I am with and the deeper relationships I develop, the more I realize what I am searching for. I just don’t want to deny who I am or my own feelings. I guess I am also scared I will continue to make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past and be left back at where I was.

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